Yearn Dinner Flow
“Never eat alone.”
- Keith Ferrazzi
Yearn dinners are designed intentionally to create an intimate container and experience that accelerates authentic connection, vulnerability, curiosity, serendipity and deep relationship building. Dinners are an opportunity to inspire positive light in others and nourish their souls.
Suggested Flow
Arrival / Cocktails / Small Talk :: 30 - 60 Min
Intention Toast :: 30 - 60 Min
Dinner and Deep Conversation :: 60 Min
After Dinner Connection :: 30 - 60 Min
How Many to Invite
We recommend no more than 12 people at a table to have an intimate dinner. Large groups can be broken up into separate tables. 8 is the sweet spot.
Pre-Dinner Communication
We recommend using a group messaging system to do all the pre-dinner communication. This group will also allow people to connect directly with each other and facilitate any post dinner communication. Encourage guests to arrive on time so that everyone has time to drop in before sitting for dinner. Let them know it will be a particularly special evening.
If not everyone knows each other: start to build rapport, share something about yourself with a picture and invite others to do the same.
Recommended: Once people RSVP, we recommend confirming any dietary restrictions in advance. Let guests know where to park, special instructions for the venue, and what the flow for the evening will be so they can plan ahead of time.
What to Serve
To create connection, serve dinner family style. The second option is to do buffet style which can also work – especially if table real estate is limited.
Arrival // When we welcome guests to a Yearn dinner, we’re welcoming people home. Being of service to others as a host is a privilege and a gift! Your willingness to serve, your attentiveness, and your thoughtfulness is what helps set the container. Be sure to greet each guest by looking into their eyes with a very warm welcome and a hug to set the stage for connection.
Cocktails // Allow people to mingle and engage in small talk. Be sure to introduce people that do not know each other. We recommend drinks be readily available such as pre-poured champagne, water, a specialty cocktail, or wine - or something unique to let people know the evening will be special. This invites people to grab a drink and settle in quickly.
It is also recommended to have some light appetizers or bites available in case people arrive hungry (and they usually do).
Intention Toast // This is the opportunity to set the container for the evening and open up people before the dinner. Invite everyone to help you serve as a host: this means being welcoming and attentive to each other and being of service. Start the sharing by asking everyone what is going on in their life that is sweet and what is going on that is sour. Give the first share; keep in mind that the depth and length of your share will set the stage for others.
Dinner and Deeper Conversation // There are two ways to organize the dinner conversation. The first is with a single question for the entire group that you’ve preselected from the “Yearn Questions” at the bottom of this page. The second is to give each person their own question using One Word cards.
Single Question Format
Use a single question for everyone at the table. State that you will volunteer to go first and then invite others to volunteer afterwards and that everyone will be invited to share.
Multi-Question Format
Another option is to use One Word or Conscious Conversation cards that are placed in advance under each person’s plate prior to their arrival. Each person gets to choose whom they wish to direct their question towards. If you take this approach, we recommend pre-selecting the questions so that there is consistency in the depth of the questions.
Order One Word here: myintent.org
Ending the Dinner // When everyone has shared – take the time to recognize the group for the gift of sharing so vulnerably. Express gratitude for the connected conversation and give everyone a sense of accomplishment for being so open with each other.
Stay Connected // We recommend requesting that each person post any photos they took into the chat room that was created for the dinner. Posting a thank you the following day after the dinner is a great way to continue to serve your guests. If you can, take a group photo when everyone is there to savor the memories (guests love having this the next day).
Do
Let guests know if there are any parking restrictions, or special directions (other examples: shoes-off/socks-only home). The more they know in advance, the less stressed they will be when they arrive.
Be sure everyone is giving their full attention – especially you as the host. Listen with intent and empathy so that everyone feels like they are truly being heard.
Suggest people use the restroom and refill their drink prior to sitting down to dinner. This will help minimize interruption during the dinner conversation.
Be mindful of time so that all guests have time to share. Set a time expectation by the length of your share. If you have a larger group, you may need to set a time exception upfront.
Ask follow on questions that help shy people go a bit deeper.
Thank each person for sharing. Validate any excitement, wins, challenges, and pain with empathy.
If no one volunteers, call on someone who you think will likely share openly. Starting with people that you know will share openly will help encourage others.
Or Do Not
If someone is very hesitant to share openly or answer the question at all, don’t force them. It’s OK to skip someone and come back to them or OK if they do not wish to share at all. Remember, it’s a safe space and there will be the occasional person who just isn’t comfortable sharing.
Do not judge or try to provide advice or help “fix” any of the challenges that people may openly share. Remember that your job is not to be a therapist (even if you are a licensed therapist), your role as a host is to listen with empathy. Remind others to be mindful of this as well if they provide unnecessary commentary on anyone’s share.
There is no Try - Yoda
Example Dinner Questions
What was the best part and most challenging part of your past week?
What’s one thing you want more of in your life and what change could you make to get it?
When was the last time you felt childlike joy?
What is something that not many people know about you?
What event from your past helps define who you are today?
What are you willing to let go of that no longer serves you?
Who are the people that uplift you and bring out the best in you? How is it they show up and how does that make you feel?
What’s one experience in your life that’s made you who you are today?